Little Animals

Typical

Mariana was complaining that there are too many recesses at school and Madeline had a dream that someone went to the library and got her some books.

Spring training

I’ve been practicing softball with Mariana so that when the season starts she might not get hit in the eye with the ball or break her nose.  Playing catch with her though is really just me trying to throw a softball directly into her glove as she just stands there.

Christmas presents

The girls got a lot of great gifts for Christmas.  They got a bunch of clothes.  Some boots.  They got a sewing machine.  Someone gave them an Xbox.  And I got Madeline Mavis Beacon typing tutor so she can learn to type and maybe her school reports won’t take 5 hours to type out.  But possibly the best present, or at least the one they seemed most excited about when I saw them open it, was the towel warmer. 

What the hell is a towel warmer you ask?  Well, when you get out of a nice warm shower, the worst thing possible is to dry yourself with just a room temperature towel.  It’s just a major buzz-kill from the scalding hot water pounding into your body in the shower.  And the girls hate to be cold.  They have basically no body fat, and in some ways are more reptilian in their ability to adapt to dropping temperatures than they are mammalian.  So a nice warm towel is the best way to transition from the wonderful hotness of the shower to the bitter coldness of the outside-of-the-shower world.

Really all the towel warmer is a crock pot.  You plug it in, you put the towels in, and eight minutes later the towels are warm.  I could have gotten the same effect by putting the towels in the rice cooker or in a big pot on the stove.  But the magic of the towel warmer is that it’s made specifically and only for warming towels.  It has no other function.  It just warms towels.  And also pajamas and underwear I guess.  But the girls loved it because it was something they didn’t know existed.  I didn’t know it existed either until I went to Bed Bath and Beyond with my sister.  But to the girls, it was like someone read their minds and created something just for them.

Next year I’ll probably have Santa bring them the Foot Spa.

Mariana lost another tooth, and apparentally, swallowed it in her sleep. Again.

Madeline’s Christmas list:

• mechanical pencils
• lead for mechanical pencils
• binder
• notebook
• a nice surprise

You might look at this list and think it was a list for the most boring kid in the world.  And that might be true.  But Madeline is also just really humble and grounded.  She pretty much gets everything she wants, but the main thing she wants is just pencils and paper.  For her birthday her grandpa took her on a shopping spree.  They went to Toys R Us to look at Legos.  She looked at all the sets.  She got one of the big sets down to look at.  She looked at the back and examined all of the many pieces in the set.  It was probably one of those big ones with a whole city inside and a bunch of cars and lego pieces and whatnot.  But then she put it back and got the littlest one with just one little truck and one lego man.  Her grandpa was more than willing to get her the big ass lego set, but she chose the littlest dorkiest one.

They never even finished the shopping spree because we had to go to soccer.  I think they only went to Toys R Us, Michaels, and Rite Aid.  I think they spent around $20 total.  They didn’t have time to go to Joann’s Fabrics or Target.  But Madeline said she already got enough stuff and she didn’t need to go out again.

Madeline is just a simple little girl.  I got her a kindle last year, but I’ll probably craigslits that thing and use the money to buy a mechanical pencil.

Should Mariana play softball?

Reasons against Mariana playing softball:

• she probably won’t like it
• it’s boring to watch
• won’t get all that much exercise standing around in an empty field
• probably will get a black eye because she lacks hand eye coordination
• might end up taking steroids or HGH so she can hit dingers
• money
• already totally burned out from soccer
• softball players aren’t cute and seem to not always be hetereosexual (not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
• personally, I hate baseball
• in a book I read called A Prayer for Owen Meany someone dies from getting hit with a baseball.  So that could totally happen in real life.

Reasons for Mariana playing softball

• she will probably look really funny in the uniform
• she likes to chew gum

The worst thing Madeline has ever done

Yesterday Madeline did the worst thing she ever did before: she broke her retainer.  The way it happened apparently was that she left in the car—  not in its case—just sitting on the seat.  Somehow it fell near the door, and when she was getting out of the car she closed the door on it.

My first instinct was to give her a natural consequence for her action.  So I was going to tell her she had to keep wearing it anyway.  I was like, “Go find your glue stick and put it back together and put it in your mouth.”  But on second thought I thought maybe it would fall apart in her mouth and she could choke and die in her sleep.

So instead I’m going to find a sweat shop somewhere and put her to work so she can earn the money to pay for a new retainer.

Obviously Madeline was really upset about what she had done and she was really sorry about it.  She was crying those uncontrollable little sobs that kids get sometimes.  Madeline has a strong sense of right and wrong, and she loves following rules.  She hates getting in trouble, and she has a burgeoning guilt complex.  This was way worse than the whole gymnastics thing.  So I consoled her, told her it was going to be ok, but also let her feel the weight of what she did.  I told her I knew it was an accident, but she was being careless, the retainer costs a lot of money, and she and I were going to have to call the orthodontist and explain what happened.

But here’s the funny part: after I was done consoling Madeline, and she went and got ready for bed, I had to go and console Mariana.  Because Mariana was just upset as Madeline was.  I found her in bed crying uncontrollably just like Madeline was.  It’s not that Mariana had any responsibility with the broken retainer, or that she has a guilt complex, or cares at all about the straightness of Madeline’s teeth.  But I swear these two girls are like Siamese twins sometimes.  When one feels pain, the other feels it just as much.  Madeline was feeling terribly upset, so Mariana was feeling terribly upset.  So I felt impelled to explain everything to Mariana about the retainer that I had just explained to Madeline.

They both went to bed with tears in their eyes.

How girls communicate

Girls have a funny way of communicating.  Sometimes they say or do weird things that don’t make much sense.

For example: after gymnastics last week we were getting in the car and Mariana said, “Gym was weird today.” 

Then Madeline yelled, “Get your bag off my seat!”  And she broke down and started crying. Real tears and everything.

Weird, right?  WTF is going on?  Did Madeline just start crying like a 2 year old because Mariana’s bag was on her side of the car?  You might just explain it by saying the two girls are insane.  But if you look a little closer, you can see the causes of what’s going on.

First of all, you have to have seen what happened in gymnastics.  It wasn’t anything major.  Every week the girls practice different moves, like front walk-over, pikes, dive-rolls, etc.  And if the instructors think they have mastered a certain move, then they get to go on to the next move.  Now, since Madeline is older and slightly more coordinated than Mariana, she is generally a move or two ahead of Ana.  And in general, because Madeline is almost 4 years older, she is usually better at everything— soccer, dance, reading, etc.  So usually there’s no real rivalry between sisters.

But as the Chinese know, older is not actually an advantage for gymnastics.  Littler and skinnier is actually an advantage.  So Mariana has actually caught up to Madeline.  And last week she passed on to the next move before Madeline did.  It wasn’t a big deal or anything.  They  don’t announce it, the parents and other kids were oblivious, and probably the instructors didn’t even notice Mariana passed before Madeline.

And there was no celebration, no tears, no outward sign that either girl knew that Ana passed before Madeline.  The whole class went on as usual.  But I guarentee Madeline and Mariana noticed.  And 30 minutes later in the car, it all came out. 

So now that you know the back story, I can translate the breaking point exchange for you:

Mariana: “Gym was weird today”=I am proud that I passed to back hand spring before Madeline.

Madeline:  “Get your bag off my seat!”=I resent that you are throwing it in my face that you passed before me, and I am upset and ashamed that you being almost 4 years younger than me have surpassed me in gymnastics.  I am sad.

I’m not sure if this way of communicating is unique to these girls, or if all females tend to communicate with each other in this manner.   But I do know that the only way I can think of solving the problem is by giving them both ice-cream.